I feel like returning to one of my hobby horses today, that of the roles of a dominant and submissive in a Femdom relationship. That would be hobby horse as in a preoccupation of mine rather than wanting to sit on a toy horse which is a different fetish entirely.
I also covered it a little in my book How I Feminised my Husband where I wrote about Alice sometimes forgetting that her submission and feminisation was real submission and not a submission/forced feminisation game. I don’t have so many problems with Alice these days in terms of her dressing as I want her to do rather than her, although she still sometimes forgets she’s not equal to me.
We saw a great British film about this very thing a little while ago. It was called The Duke of Burgundy and actually covers a lesbian dominant/submissive relationship, but it’s irrelevant whether you have a submissive feminised male, a submissive female or all the shades in between. The point is over who is the dominant and who is the submissive.
I enjoyed the film as, apart from being an excellent film, it helped to warn me over the potential dangers of a submissive being the real dominant in this type of relationship. The submissive in the film demanded ever increasing levels of submission and the dominant was complying even when she didn’t want to play or began losing interest.
There are several techniques I now use to ensure that the warnings of the film are not repeated here in North London. One is around clothing. Alice’s feminisation has a large element of petticoating involved, that’s to say it’s a kind of humiliation and and enforcement even when she’s not in the mood. Alice would like to swap between male and female personas and I have to ensure this is not possible. I’m in charge of how she dresses.
Secondly I don’t always allow her to wear skirts or dresses as you can see in the photo. I don’t allow her to wear something ‘comfortable’ or to make her feel feminine. No she has to wear just a bra and apron for example. The other day at our friends who live the same lifestyle, I made Alice wear just knickers, bra, stockings and high heels. It’s vital to make her feel some discomfort. It’s about my pleasure not hers. Another time we went shopping for a new skirt for Alice. She wanted a plain mid-thigh plain loose black skirt. I declined her request and chose two short tight-fitting skirts. This makes her walk better and she can’t stride and makes her sit properly, like a girl.
It’s very important to understand your submissives desires and then use them for control. Yes Alice likes to wear pretty girls’ clothing but she doesn’t want to be a real female. This then allows me to use her feminisation for control. Since she likes female clothing and it’s exciting for her, then it’s all or nothing. All wins. She’s also become comfortable in being the housewife at home and I think this is a win-win. She’s able to withdraw from the typical pressures of so-called male responsibilities and I get a housemaid.
So a bit of a ramble but sometimes a good bash at the keyboard makes you feel better.
Femdom is not a game.